IOWA'S SENSUOUS CZECH VISIONARY,
SISTER KASI

Dear Kasi,

     I am the deeply troubled wife of an unfaithful husband and can't afford a private investigator to get the proof I need to confront him. What can I do?

     Suspicious in Jackson

     Dear Suspicious,

     It is true that the male's only biological role is to plant sperm as often and wherever he can, sometimes conflicting with certain vows made before God and assembled congregations. If your husband engages in extra-marital cultivations, one ancient African spell you might find useful is "likhubalo", literally translated as "dog-knotting." It is a Ulunyoka incantation involving the opening of a pocket knife, which if not closed with the proper charms, locks lovers together. For obvious reasons I can not print the rituals here, but with a little research (less expensive than detectives!) you should find what you need. I must warn you of a case in Nigeria where an adulterous couple were found dead in the "love-lock". Because their private meeting place was so secure, their yells for help went undetected. Since the ritual for release was not performed, they starved to death, naked, and permanently conjoined.

     Help me, Kasi!

     My family and I took a trip in 1993 to Ayers Rock in Central Australia. Although it was clearly posted that it was a serious crime to take even the smallest of stones from the park, I chipped a piece from the rock and took it home. Once there, my wife delivered a stillborn child. Two of our three children have died in tragic accidents. Last year we divorced. I suffer terrible sicknesses, including diabetes, and I am now homeless. I read your magazine regularly and know that you have helped others. Is there a connection between my misery and the stones?

     Desperately Destitute in Des Moines

     Dear Destitute,

     The connection is both real and very dangerous! I hope you still have the unlucky stones, as their safe return to the exact point from which they were taken is the only thing that will remove the curse from you. Your current finances probably preclude making the journey yourself, but Park Rangers have had a flood of packages containing returned stones, and can be trusted to replace them if very detailed instructions are included. The rock, called Uluru by the Aborigines, is ancient and sacred. Last year alone 15 tourists fell to their deaths from various heights on the rock; each was discovered to be carrying digging tools and stones.

     Dear Kasi,

     I'm having an argument with my partner over the proper time to conduct Midsummer Magic Rituals. Is it June 20, 21st, or 23rd?

     Confused in Norwich

     Dear Confused,

     This is a complicated issue, because all three dates are associated with Midsummer's (or St. John's) Eve. It simply depends on your approach to the magic, as moderns seem to prefer to cast as close to the exact time of the Summer Solstice as possible. The rule of thumb I use is, "if its important to you, then that's the right answer."

     While we're on the subject, if any of you are in need of a little protection, Midsummer's Eve is a good time to eat a bud of a red ash, as it is reported to give one limited immunity from other practitioners of the Craft .

     PERSONAL TO:

     Vexed By Angels in Iowa City: I am not familiar with the particular group in question, but if they are talking about channeling angels there are a few things you should consider. First of all, in Judeo-Christian tradition angels are answerable to God alone and aren't likely to submit to the will of a mortal (although, the Cult of Abramelin's highly specific ritual might have some merit). Second, angels generally herald major events like the birth of the Messiah and not for heralding incoming phone calls or lottery numbers. Third, the folks who brought you Exodus 22:18 are not likely personal friends with practitioners of palmistry and aura reading. Fourth, and most importantly, Crowley himself originally intended to reach his Guardian Angel. Instead, he contacted a decidedly different entity which changed the course of his life forever.

     I don't think angels are your problem, but they may be your answer. Have you seen a priest?