News

ANOTHER MODEST PROPOSAL

English Literary History Commentary by a Storyteller

Johnathan Swift (who wrote Gulliver’s Travels in 1726) wrote in 1729 a biting (pun intended) political satire called A Modest Proposal The full title was "A Modest Proposal for Preventing the Children of Poor People from Being a Burthen to their Parents, or the Country, and for Making them Beneficial to the Publick." [Notice how burden was spelled in 1729 “burthen.”] His joking and stomach-churning proposal was to fatten up undernourished Irish children and feed them to Ireland's rich land-owners, solving three problems at once.

Grotesque as the pamphlet is, the reader has to laugh at the calm way Swift lays out his economic arguments. They are alarmingly logical. The satire is as effective in 2012 as it was in 1729 (but the spelling will fascinate you!) This has inspired me to write a new modest proposal as we draw toward November 2012 national elections.

Many politicians today declare that the United States Government has no business paying the full amounts of Medicare or Social Security we senior citizens were promised as we worked all our adult lives (in my case 1968 to 2011, or 43 years.) They propose that the government cut some percentage of our benefits to help the budget. They are not at all concerned that this amounts to the U.S. government going back on its word.

This website is non-political, but certain politicians want to cut my promised benefits, so here’s my modest proposal.

Let’s have the U.S. government go back on other examples of its word and see how those affected by it feel. For every percentage cut from Medicare and Social Security, cut that same percentage from the pay of the legislators (who voted for the cuts to seniors) and cut the same percentage from Congress’s health care benefits, which they carefully keep separate from those of the lowly citizenry. Next, cut the interest paid by the U.S. Treasury to the greedy rich on the tax-free government bonds they hold. (These cuts would, of course, be limited to those who donate to the legislators who voted for the cuts for seniors.) Now who’s upset about the government going back on its word?

Then we’ll see how those legislators fare in their formerly massive political donations from the greedy super rich in the next election. (And somehow let’s also cut those donations coming from the fake patriotic-sounding organizations that are pseudonyms for the greedy super rich, disguised as charitable public organizations of concerned citizens.) Then put the money from all those cuts into the Treasury.

Fiscal responsibility is restored! The national debt is wiped out! Just what most Congressmen (and -women) declare as their goal! And it took only one year, not decades!

C’mon, Legislators! Man up! (or Woman up!) Cut the pay to yourself and your donors, and cut your donations from the greedy super rich! Reduce our national debt! If you honestly believe in cutting our debt, mine is a remarkably simple and fair solution!

Any comments from Legislators?

Lawmakers may e-mail me at tinydoolittle at-sign interlinc decimal-point net.

(Imagine the sound of crickets chirping here.)

ASK US ANYTHING

About Storytelling, Branson or the 1880’s

QUESTION: I was wondering what formats your content comes in these days. I am sorry to say that our library has purged all of its cassette tapes. My nine year old daughter has adored your stories for many years, and when we went to check them out again, I was horrified to find out that they library has purged them. (Meg at xplornet, by e-mail)

ANSWER: August House still sells the Favorite Scary Stories of American Children 2-CD sets (AugustHouse.com) We sell Head on the High Road audiocassette new for $12.50 check or money order to Richard Young P. O. Box 1300 Kimberling City MO 65686-1300. All our assettes are still obtainable at Amazon.com, some used, some new in original wrapper, but often costly due to demand.

DIVERGING DIAMONDS

Not Diamonds In South Africa...Diamonds In South Missouri!

News Flash: The very first “diverging diamond” intersection in the United States was opened to traffic in Springfield, Missouri, in 2010. The “future” is “now!”

Most of you ask: “What the heck does that mean?”

A “diverging diamond” intersection is a zany new design now used in overpasses crossing busy highways. The unique (and maddening!) design makes extensive, expensive cloverleafs unnecessary. (Don’t ask me to explain...I haven’t figured it all out yet.) The design makes it possible to come off the overpass quickly and enter the lower, busier highway efficiently.

Judy and I went to Springfield just to drive the new-design DD (classy abbreviation, eh?) where US 65 crosses/meets/diverges onto Interstate 44.

Basically, here’s what happens: just before you enter the overpass there’s an x-shaped intersection and traffic light where you (get this!) TRADE LANES with the oncoming traffic. You cross the overpass in (what feels like) the wrong lane, then, at a second traffic light at the other end, you TRADE BACK! This allows cars to be on the (“wrong”) side of the overpass in position to enter the lower, overpassed highway with a quick turn (instead of left-turns-in-traffic, a long expensive cloverleaf, or a dangerous “trade-places-with-me” lane.)

We are told by the Missouri Department of Transportation that this is the wave of the future. The third DD in the United States has already been completed at the overpass of Missouri 248 over US 65 in Branson, Missouri! We drove it for the first time on November 28, 2011.

For video of a Springfield DD, see www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5JtZMPTNAY. For a better explanation than I can give, see en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diverging_diamond_interchange in an article based on the (second in the nation) DD at Missouri 13 and I-44.

South Missouri proudly leads the nation...in a wrong-lane sort of way!

IN AMOXTONTLI COYAMETL

(Yes, we’ll tell what it means in a minute!)
Campusology and Setting Your Own Course in Life
An anecdote from Richard’s University of Arkansas Days 1963-1968

I have always been a word-play guy. I excel at oral jibs and jabs because I am dyslexic and reading is a chore for me. I do not read for pleasure...only for research. (In spite of what you may have heard, dyslexia is not a disease, and is not curable. Most dyslexics just learn to live with the mild inconvenience. Two smart ladies check my spelling for this website. That’s usually enough.)

In spite of my very mild disability, I earned a Masters Degree in the Humanities and have co-authored nine books of storytelling. This is partly because of my ability to game-play within society. One example of game-playing in society is the technique us college kids used to call “campusology.”

Campusology is a method of leveling the playing field between you and other students by appealing to a professor’s personal interests. The art includes the old college trick of going to a professor and saying something like, “Gee, Dr. Kunkle [his real name], I don’t have an undergraduate degree in anthropology like the other 24 students in this graduate-level anthropology class I’m taking, and I can’t think of a good topic for my final paper. Could you help me out by suggesting a topic?” Immediately any professor will assign you something that he loves, and hasn’t had the time to delve into. He will grade you leniently on it...a good grade is almost guaranteed! Dr. Peter Kunkle, for instance, instantly yanked open a desk drawer and pulled out a monograph that had lain there for years waiting for this moment. (Yes, this really happened.)

“You speak Spanish, don’t you?” he asked me. I said I majored in it and had lived in South America two years. He handed me the monograph, a publication of the Mexican National Institute of Anthropology called The Calpulli in the Social Organization of the Tenochca.The people known as the Tenochca ( whose capital was Tenochtitlán, later called Mexico City) were also called Aztecs (short for Chichimecas from Aztlán, a tribe name and amythical origin-place name.) The calpulli was the Aztec tribal clan, of which there were about a dozen. (See Calpulli in Wikipedia) The monograph used contemporary sources (codices and letters from Mexico 1519-1540) to collect and describe various clan functions (e.g. Could one marry within one’s own clan? Yes, according to a codex illustration with the caption “Two members of the Amanteca Clan get married [to each other].”)

I got an A on that paper I wrote for a graduate level anthropology class in 1967, and my research slipped quietly into Dr. Kunkle’s future lecture notes! (I asked around!) Everyone benefitted! Especially me!

Fresh from the A on my Aztec clans anthropology paper, and with my (limited) knowledge of Náhuatl, the Aztec language, still fresh in my mind, I happened to walk into Noyce House. Noyce House was an elegant home across the street from the University of Arkansas which the University had bought and was using as an Anthropology Department Annex. My sister Gloria was an anthropology major and I was looking for her that afternoon.

Unbeknownst to me, the Department had decided to publish a small student-written journal. In a joking reference to the old 1880’s belief that Toltec Indians had come to Arkansas and built mounds (they hadn’t; local Mississippian Indians built the mounds in Arkansas), the students chose to name their journal in Aztec (apparently no one had a Toltec dictionary!) They chose the Aztec name “In Amoxtontli Coyametl,” which means “Little Book of the Pig,” since the University of Arkansas athletic mascot is the Razorback Hog.

Someone had written ‘In Amoxtontli Coyametl’ on the blackboard in the general meeting and class room at Noyce House. I walked in and saw it. I didn’t know what it meant, but it was obviously Aztec, so I read it aloud in my perfect Aztec pronunciation. (The unvoiced tongue flap of the final -tl is almost impossible for English speakers to make. I do it correctly, having learned it from Aztec descendents in Mexico.)

A grad student sitting at a typewriter in the back of the room looked up and said:

“You must be Gloria’s brother.”

I paused...surprised...and said, “Yes...how did you know?” (Gloria and I had a strong brother-sister resemblance when we were younger; I thought maybe that was it.)

Without looking up again, he said:

“You’re the only person I know of who could walk into a room and read something written in Aztec on the blackboard.”

My reputation had...as they say...preceeded me.

And wordplaying in seven languages is my favorite form of fun!

NOTE: The monograph is El Calpulli en la Organización Social de los Tenochca : Arturo Monzón Estrada, Instituto Nacional de Antropología, 1949; re-issued in México : Instituto Nacional Indigenista, 1983. Until 1983 this booklet was beyond rare...it was absolutely unobtainable. I was able to Xerox the one rare copy in the Biblioteca del Instituto Nacional de Antropología in Mexico City in 1971, so I now have my own copy.

ASK US ANYTHING!

About Storytelling, Branson or the 1880’s

QUESTION: “Where in Branson is the only complete collection of Janet Dailey’s books?” (Anna Lee, Oklahoma, by e-mail.)

ANSWER: “Janet Anne Haradon, born May 21, 1944, in Storm Lake, Iowa, is an American author of over 105 romance novels, writing as Janet Dailey (her married name.) She lives in Branson, Missouri. The only complete collection of all of her books in a single place is on display in the lobby of Skaggs Regional Medical Center in Branson, to which she and her husband made a large contribution. The books were Janet’s own personal collection, and are in huge glass cases for viewing only. (They are never removed from the exhibit.) If you’re a Janet Dailey fan, seeing this collection is a must. Skaggs Regional Medical Center is located at 545 Branson Landing Boulevard. Enter the grounds between the parking garage and the old red-brick administration building. Park on the uppermost level of the garage and enter by the main entrance directly opposite the garage.

WEIRD IDEAS OF SOME WORDSMITHS

The Second of Two Historical Anecdotes Without Antidotes
The Curious Case of J. I. Rodale

As a person who loves word-play, I am always disheartened to think of two famous wordsmiths who held bizarre ideas that nearly ruined, or did ruin, their magnificent efforts. This second story you are about to read is true. Nothing has been changed to protect the guilty. (Imagine the “Dragnet” theme song here.)

In my last years at the University of Arkansas and my first few years as a high school foreign language teacher, I subscribed to a small, nifty magazine called Quinto Lingo. It was published by a man named J. I. Rodale. It had six or seven short articles of current interest, and each article appeared five times.

Say what? Well...the articles were word-for-word the same in English, French, Spanish, Portuguese and Italian! A speaker of one of those languages would subscribe to the magazine and use it to learn and practice another of the five! I read them all, English first, then Spanish and French (to practice) and last the Portuguese and Italian, trying to learn them. The magazine also had, every month, a glossary of words in some interesting languge just for fun, or an article about a language with sample texts (e.g.Hawai’ian, Swedish...and sometimes the created languages Interlingua [Italian words on Chinese grammar] or the older Esperanto [a garble of European words that represented no real advantage but gave every nationality a nod. Sample sentence in Esperanto: Tiuj estas la signoro? {Which one is the man?}])

I read the articles while riding in an airplane, on a bus, or sitting...uh...around the house. I loved the magazine.

However, Mr. Rodale, a self-proclaimed multi-lingual wordsmith (he published a famous synonym finder), was a nut case. He wrote health-food books, notably one called “Natural Health, [Refined] Sugar and the Criminal Mind” (1968.) Apparently he never read the fictional satire from the 1960’s about a psychologist who studied the lives of criminal maniacs and found they had all drunk tomato juice in childhood. In the short story, the fictitious nut blamed all criminal activity on tomato juice. (In actuality, the satire was a stinging indictment of psychologists who tried to draw massive, earth-shaking conclusions from flawed studies. For all I know, it may have been written in response to J. I. Rodale’s book!)

Mr. Rodale blamed all criminal activity on the use of [refined] sugar. (Sure, too much sugar is bad for your body, but there is no real proof it causes criminal activity.) He maintained that eliminating refined sugar frrom our diets would eliminate all crime. Now...should we trust this man’s nutty idea? Listen to this colateral anecdote and decide!

Jerome Irving Rodale was on the set of The Dick Cavett Show on June 8, 1971, taping a show to be aired later. In the interview Dick asked the health-food guru how long he expected to live following his own special dietary advice. Rodale proudly declared “...a hundred years!”

Five minutes later he was lying dead on the carpet at age 72, having expired of an apparent heart attack. For a terrible moment, everyone thought he was joking. He wasn’t. He was dead. His extra-special dietary rules did not lengthen his life beyond an average age. The show never aired, but I hear that the video-tape still exists somewhere. (Google it: on-line there are comments by Dick Cavett about that day!)

Mr. Rodale was a nut case.

Anyone who claims special life expectancy based on diet alone, and blames all of society’s problems on a single, easily relieved cause [refined sugar] is a nut...nuez...noix...noz...noce.

But he published a great multi-lingual magazine!

WORD ORIGINS...OFTEN FAKE!

Barbecue is a Good Example!

I love etymology. No...not the study of insects (that’s entomology.) Etymology is the study of word origins. Due to sixty-ish years of etymologizing, I can usually spot fake word origins. Fake word origins? Why would someone fake word origins?

OK...some writers (mostly columnists) produce fake word origins as comedy, usually on April 1st. (We shall politely avoid all the urban legends about the origins of some four-letter words, all of which descend from Anglo-Saxon, even though when someone cusses they say, “Pardon my French.”) One wag newspaper columnist claimed the brassiere was invented by a German named Titzling. That kind of fakelore is one thing...and columnists usually fess up to it on April 2nd. I’m talking about ill-informed, poorly-educated people that honestly believe false word origins.

One source claims that the word golf is the acronym “gentlemen only ladies forbidden.” Another claims tip is from a box into which coins were dropped To Insure Promptness by waiters. I read in one book that a backwoods legislator (possibly Andrew Jackson) used to throw down and stomp on a (Congressional) bill he didn’t like, and since his big toe was crooked (a birth defect) this was called a vee-toe. [Even as a high school senior in Latin, I knew veto is the Latin word “I forbid,” used in Roman times.] This kind of hooey gets “out there” (especially online) and goes viral in the worst sense, infecting brains with false notions, often racist or classist.

First off: acronyms are almost unknown prior to the 1900’s. The word posh does not come from “port out starboard home,” the supposedly best staterooms on a luxury ship. (It’s half a Gypsy word, posh-houri, for half-penny, and originally [1830’s] meant “money.”) The word snob did not come from the Latin abbreviation sine nobilitate for “without nobility.” (It began in the 1700’s as a word for shoemaker.)

Other fake word histories form because people jump to conclusions. For example, cops and private detectives in the 1930s and 40s were called gumshoes. I heard it was because they walked a beat and were constantly stepping on spat-out chewing gum on sidewalks. In fact, Keds athletic shoes once advertised “So quiet you can sneak up on people!” We started calling them sneakers, and cops and ditectives wore them to sneak in. Since gum is a word for rubber (chewing gum is just flavored rubber!) rubber-soled shoes were also called gum-soled shoes. It was a short sneak to the new word gumshoes.

Here’s a doozy: one lady claims a bunch of Frenchmen were shipwrecked on an island and had to eat the local goats de barbe en queue (“from the beard to the tail.”) This, she avers, is the origin of the word barbecue (spell it any way you like.) In fact, the Taíno Indian people of the Caribbean dried fish on racks called barabicu, which became the Spanish word barbacoa for bar-b-que. We got our word from both Spanish and Taíno.

There may have been some Frenchies shipwrecked somewhere. Maybe they ate goat. (How did they prepare the beard? In a beardnaise sauce?) But that’s not where the word came from.

How do people get these ideas? They see a word and their brain connects it with some other word or thing and they leap to a false conclusion without any evidence. One guy claimed OK was a term brought back from the future by time travellers who used Zero Kilometers as a verbal “thumbs up.”

That explanation is not OK by me!